Your Step-By-Step Guide to Creating an Anxiety Management Toolkit for Children

Written By Dr Jenny Draisey

Anxiety in childhood is extremely common, especially following the recent and turbulent covid years. It can be extremely distressing for both the child experiencing it, as well as their wider family. I am a child and adolescent Clinical Psychologist, and regularly find that working with parents, as opposed to working directly with children, can create major change in the well-being of all family members. This is because creating healthy habits, an open dialogue about our mental health, and normalising these very common emotions can create huge inter-generational shifts in a family’s emotional well-being.  In particular, the creation of child anxiety or emotional well-being toolkits have been advantageous; these can provide children with practical ways to manage their feelings and give parents specific tools and strategies to help to support their children in those difficult moments. Here’s a step-by-step guide to building your own child anxiety management toolkit:

Step 1: Create a “Calm Down Space”

Start by designating a cosy, calm and quiet space for your child to retreat to when they feel overwhelmed or anxious. You can include comforting items like a soft blanket, their favourite stuffed animal, or a range of sensory toys (like stress balls or fidget spinners) to help them to self-soothe and regulate their nervous system. Creating this “safe space” reinforces that it’s okay to take a break and ground themselves, also presenting the idea that we can all take some responsibility in changing how we feel in the moment.

Step 2: Introduce Deep Breathing Techniques

Teaching children simple deep breathing exercises can by incredibly effective in response to anxiety. Try something like “belly breathing,” where they place a hand on their stomach and take slow breaths, feeling their belly rise and fall. Or introducing breathing exercises like “smell the flower, blow out the candle”, or box or finger breathing can all work well, especially for younger children​. You can also check out my video on the 30 second breathing exercise on Instagram, which is also a great way to turn breathing into a game for children. Make sure to write down the instructions for your breathing exercise of choice so that your child can easily access this in their time of need.

Step 3: Use a Worry Journal, Worry Box or Worry Tree

Provide your child with a notebook that is easily accessible, so that they can easily write down their difficult thoughts or worries (and often, the best part of this exercise is shopping for the notebook!). You could also help them to make a small box where children can write down their worries and place them in the box, perhaps looking at their worries at a designated ‘worry time’ either later in the day, the next day or at the end of the week. This helps children to identify and externalise their feelings and worries, making them feel much more manageable. For younger children, try using a “worry tree” where they can write down their worries on paper leaves and hang them on a tree, then helping them to “let go” of their worries by taking down the leaves at the end of the day or the week. This simple symbolic act can help children feel a sense of release and distance from their worries or concerns, making them feel less distressing and intrusive. It can also help young people to realise that some of their worries are no longer a problem, or their negative predictions have not come true, helping them to then challenge these worries the next time they arise.

Step 4: Practice Positive Self-Talk

Teaching your child positive affirmations or coping statements can be incredibly empowering. When they feel anxious, encourage them to repeat phrases like, “I am safe,” “I can handle this,” or “My feelings will pass.” Help them create a list of these phrases in a small notebook or on flashcards so that they can keep these in their toolkit to refer to in moments of stress.

Step 5: Add Sensory Tools

Sensory objects can also provide comfort and a form of grounding for children experiencing anxiety. Consider adding items like stress balls, fidget toys, or even air-dry clay or playdoh to your child’s toolkit. Older children often enjoy nice smelling hand creams or ‘pampering’ items also. These tools can give children a physical way to redirect their nervous energy, which can be especially helpful when they’re feeling overwhelmed.

Step 6: Create a “Feel-Good” Activities List

Work with your child to make a list of simple activities that make them feel calm and happy. This could include drawing, listening to music, or playing a favourite game. When their anxiety rises, help them to refer to this list and choose a comforting activity to help shift their focus and mood. This empowers children to engage in positive self-care habits.

Step 7: Introduce Mindfulness Practices

Mindfulness is another powerful tool for managing anxiety. Simple exercises like “5-4-3-2-1 grounding” can help kids bring their attention back to the present moment by noticing five things they see, four things they touch, three things they hear, two things they smell, and one thing they taste. Practicing mindfulness exercises regularly can help children to feel more in control during those anxious moments. I would always encourage my clients to practice these exercises initially when a child is feeling calm, as this serves to help your child to remember the activities when they are going through the difficult times.

Step 8: Develop a Visual Cue or Reminder

Creating a visual cue (like a worry monster, an emoji visual aid, or a stress thermometer) that helps your child to communicate their anxiety level or emotions without needing to use words can also be extremely helpful. These visual reminders can help children express themselves more easily, enabling parents and carers to help children to recognise, label, and normalise their emotions. This can also serve as a cue to help them to use the other tools in their kit when their anxiety levels are high.

Step 9: Putting It All Together

I would recommend storing your ‘toolkit of ideas’ in a box or bag, labelled with a name chosen by your child. Ideas could include “My Calm Kit” or “My Emotions Toolkit.” Having these items readily available in a safe space gives children a sense of control and a tangible way to cope with their emotions. By personalising each toolkit, children feel more connected to their items and are more likely to use them in moments of need.

Creating a toolkit is an ongoing process, so encourage your child to revisit and update their toolkit as they grow and discover new ways to manage their anxiety.

For more support or if you would like some additional help with supporting your child with anxiety, please do get in touch with Dr Jenny Draisey on jen@drjen-psychology.co.uk to book your parent support session today!