5 Steps to Stronger Self-Esteem

By Dr Jenny Draisey, Clinical Psychologist

 

Self-esteem – it’s one of those buzzwords we hear all the time as a parent. But when it comes to our children, it’s more than just a concept. It’s the foundation for how they see themselves, how they handle challenges, and how they step out into the world with confidence (or not in some cases L). As parents, we all want our children to feel good about themselves, but let’s be honest – sometimes, that’s so much easier said than done.

During my parent support sessions, I’ve had the privilege of hearing from so many parents and carers who are all doing their absolute best for their children. But at the same time, they feel stuck when it comes to boosting their child’s self-esteem. So, let’s think together about what really works – the practical, tried-and-tested approaches that I have witnessed working time and time again!

1. Ditch the Perfection Pressure

Many parents worry about not getting everything right, but let’s set the record straight: your child doesn’t need a perfect parent—because perfection isn’t real! What they truly need is a parent who embraces their own imperfections and shows that mistakes are a natural part of life. Confidence isn’t about getting everything right; it’s about learning, growing, and knowing you’re enough just as you are. When your child sees you navigate life’s messiness with honesty and self-compassion, they learn to do the same—and that’s something worth celebrating

2. Praise Effort, Not Just Results

I once spoke with a dad who was worried about his son’s lack of confidence in school. “He never feels good enough,” he said. When we talked through his approach to encouragement, we realised he was mostly praising his son when he got top marks – but not so much for the effort he put in. Shifting the focus to celebrating perseverance (“I love how you kept trying even when that maths problem was tough!”) can help children value their hard work rather than just the outcome.

3. Let Them Take the Lead

How often do we jump in to ‘fix’ things when our kids struggle? I see this all the time when I talk to people in my sessions – parents stepping in to prevent frustration, whether it’s tying a shoelace, solving a sibling argument, or correcting homework. Because of course, I get it, we can usually do the things that need to be done much quicker and much better than our children can! But here’s the thing: when children navigate challenges on their own (even in small ways), their confidence grows. Give them time and space to make decisions, solve problems, try new things, build new skills and even (well actually, especially) make mistakes – because learning from doing is a huge self-esteem booster.

4. Model Positive Self-Talk

Ever muttered “Ugh, I’m so stupid” when you forgot your keys? I’m afraid to say it but our children will pick up on how we speak to ourselves! I worked with a mum who noticed her daughter being super hard on herself. Turns out, they had been soaking up some of mum’s own self-criticism. Making a conscious effort to model positive self-talk (“Oops, I forgot my keys – oh well, everyone does it, I’ll grab them now!”) can help children develop a kinder inner voice – and this goes a long way when it comes to building self-esteem.

5. Create a ‘Strengths Spotting’ Habit

A simple but powerful approach: every night, ask your child to share one thing they did well that day. Maybe they helped a friend, tried something new, or showed kindness. When this becomes a habit, children start seeing their own worth in everyday actions – and that’s where self-esteem really starts to shine.

Need More Support? Let’s Talk

Raising confident, resilient children isn’t something we have to figure out alone. In my parent support sessions, we tackle these challenges together, sharing real-life strategies that actually work. If you’d like a friendly, down-to-earth space to talk about parenting struggles as well as how to harness the parenting wins, then get in touch. Because every parent deserves the right support – and every child deserves to feel good about themselves.

Send me a message on jen@drjen-psychology.co.uk to book a parent session if you’d like to chat more!