A Clinical Psychologist’s Guide to Easing the Transition
By Dr Jen, Clinical Psychologist
Whether your child is finishing school, starting school for the very first time, moving to a secondary school, or joining a completely new setting, any type of school transition is a big deal. As a clinical psychologist who works with children and families every day, I see just how much the changes and transitions can stir things up for children and families! Transitions — even positive ones — can be incredibly tricky. Especially for children and teens who experience anxiety, have neurodiverse profiles, or are already navigating emotional and mental health challenges.
If your child is finding the idea of a school transition hard, then you’re not alone. It’s completely normal for this shift to bring up worry, confusion, questions, or even behaviour changes. And if you’re a parent or carer? You’re likely holding a lot: your child’s emotions alongside your own likely sense of uncertainty and unfamiliarity, not to mention the school admin! But hopefully I’m here to offer you some practical guidance—alongside a big dose of validation and reassurance – of what to do with these big feelings.
💭Why Transitions Feel So Big
Transitions don’t just mean “a change in routine.” They often mean saying goodbye — to people, places, familiarity, and even a child’s sense of identity or safety. For some children, finishing school means leaving behind the one teacher who made them feel understood. For others, it might mean stepping into a bigger world that suddenly feels very uncertain.
Here’s what I often hear from children and teens at this time of year:
“What if I don’t like my new teacher?”
“I won’t know where to go.”
“I’m scared I won’t make any friends.”
And here’s what I often hear from parents:
“She’s just started to feel settled — and now everything’s changing.”
“I’m bracing for the fallout this summer.”
“I want to help but I don’t know what to say.”
The emotional load is intense and real. And transitions don’t just challenge the child — they can often destabilise the whole family system.
Here are some common signs that your child might be feeling wobbly about the change:
- They ask lots of “what if” questions
- They seem more irritable or tearful
- Sleep becomes unsettled
- They’re clingier than usual
- They say they don’t want to talk about it at all
None of these necessarily mean that something is “wrong”—they just tell us that your child is working hard to adjust, and sometimes that adjustment takes time.
So What Can Help?
Here are some helpful strategies that can ease the process and create a sense of calm and predictability for both you and your child:
1. Name What’s Happening
Children don’t always have the language for transition-based emotions — but they definitely feel them. You can really help them to work out what’s happening by helping them to identify some of the feelings. You could say something like:
“It makes sense that this feels weird. Endings and beginnings can feel jumbled and big.”
“I wonder if you are feeling a bit worried about making new friends?”
“Lots of kids feel nervous or unsure when something new is happening. How’s it feeling in your tummy when you think about school?”
Just naming it and helping children to make sense of it takes the pressure off them to pretend that they’re fine, and helps to normalise the emotion and make it feel less scary and more understandable for them.
2. Use Mini-Rituals to Mark Change
Whether it’s writing a note to next-year-you, taking a photo outside the school gates, or choosing a small memento from the year — marking the end of school or the beginning of something new can help to give shape, closure or excitement to the new transition.
These small acts can help children to feel like they’re not just being swept along — they’re actually part of the process and have some control over what happens.
3. Talk About What’s Next – Slowly
You don’t need to sit down and map out the whole future. Try drip-feeding small, low-pressure conversations about what’s coming next. “Next year, I heard your new school has a great music room,” or “Shall we look at the website together later?” You could also create a visual countdown such a simple calendar or a paper chain to help your child to visually see how many days are left. Mark in any preparation days, school visits, or fun plans along the way. As always though, let them set the pace and be led by them – if any of this feels too overwhelming, this can have the opposite effect and lead to avoidance. So slow and steady always wins the race!
4. Create a ‘Soft Structure’ for the Down-Time In-Between the Changes
This doesn’t mean you necessarily need a structured timetable with colour-coded blocks (although I do love one of those!). But it helps to have a few consistent anchors in the day — such as a general wake-up time, regular mealtimes, and always try to have some built-in movement or outdoor time. And don’t forget to try to include some social activities as well, so that friendships and social connection doesn’t come as a shock on the return to school. These small daily rhythms and routines can help to reduce some of the emotional overwhelm of not having a structure or focus for the day.
5. Practice the Practical Bits
To make the transition or change more familiar and less scary, try practicing some of the things that will be happening when they start somewhere new. This could be walking or driving to their new school, putting on school uniform for a trial morning, or packing a pretend lunchbox. This builds familiarity and reduces any surprises on the first day.
6. Use Books or Stories
Stories are also a brilliant way for children to explore tricky feelings from a safe distance. Look for books about starting school or changing classes that reflect your child’s age and stage.
7. Balance the Narrative
Instead of only focusing on the “exciting” parts, also acknowledge that some things might feel strange, or even scary. You could say things like:
“It’s okay if you don’t feel ready yet. Most people need time to get used to new things.”
🌈 For Neurodivergent Children: Supporting Transition Differently
For neurodivergent children, such as those with autism or ADHD, transitions often need more time, structure, and sensitivity. Here’s how you can support neurodiverse children in ways that honour their individual needs:
🔹 1. Prepare with Visuals
Use social stories, photo books, visual timetables or short videos of the new school setting. You could ask the school for pictures of the classroom, teacher, cloakroom, and even the lunch hall.
🔹 2. Plan for Their Sensory Needs
New environments can be incredibly overwhelming for neurodiverse children. Consider:
- Noise-cancelling headphones
- Fidget tools
- Pre-arranged quiet spaces or check-ins with familiar adults
It is always advisable to talk to the school in advance about your child’s sensory profile and how they can support your child as best as possible.
🔹 3. Stick to Routines Where You Can
Keep mornings and evenings consistent, even if the school day is full of change. We know that this predictability can help to anchor the nervous system greatly.
🔹 4. Let Them Lead the Pace
Not every child will be ready to go “full time” right away. If a gradual start is an option, take it. Their capacity matters more than ticking the boxes.
🔹 5. Support Emotional Regulation
Use co-regulation strategies like deep breathing, grounding exercises, or a familiar transitional object. Don’t forget: regulation starts with your calm presence.
💬 “I know this is a lot, and I’m right here with you.”
And For You, Parent or Carer…
Your role in all of this is enormous — and exhausting. Be kind to yourself. Your child doesn’t need you to have all the answers — they just need you to be alongside them.
It’s okay to need support too. School staff and SENCOs can be invaluable resources in helping to create a transition plan that’s tailored to your child.
If this doesn’t feel enough, I’m also offering 1:1 parent support sessions, designed to help you think through your child’s needs, troubleshoot tricky moments, and build emotional strategies that work for you and your family.
If you’d like to find out more or just want to ask a question, feel free to email me at jen@drjen-psychology.co.uk.
Resources You Might Like
🎥 5-Finger Breathing Strategy – A calm, visual breathing tool for anxious moments.
👉 Watch on YouTube
📚 More blogs on anxiety and parenting:
👉 Read here
Transitions aren’t easy — but they are opportunities for growth, reflection, and closeness. If your child is struggling, or if you’re struggling alongside them, you are not alone. Let’s take it one step at a time.
With care,
Dr Jen
Clinical Psychologist
Leave a Reply